So, it's time for the granddaddy of them all: WRESTLEMANIA, baby! That said much like last few I cannot say I am very pumped for it. Like most, if not, in fact all, WWE product I feel totally underwhelmed. In fact, to me the last truly good WM was 22. After that they seemed to wallow mediocrity. Sure there are always one or two good matches, but al lot of them are meh... But, I'll be watching it. So without any further a due, I give my first, ever (!), WM predictions!
Rey Mysterio vs. C.M. Punk (Street Fight, if Rey loses he must join Straight Edge Society)
I think this might be my fav feud this whole year. In this crappy PG world, it is great to see a heel as awesome as C.M. Punk. Punk is, in fact, THE best heel anywhere, right now, be it WWE or TNA. Punk cuts the best fucking promos. And, last Friday when he interrupted Rey and his family, it was just classic moment. Punk is the coolest straight edge dude since metalcore masters Bleeding Through or Howard Jones of Killswitch Engage (the band that plays Punk's intro music!). Anywho, I think this should be a pretty good match. I wouldn't say five stars or anything but good. My prediction:
C.M. Punk wins with help from the Straight Edge Society to further continue this feud.
Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes Vs. Ted DiBiase
Can't say I care for this match or this feud. I lost interest in Legacy when they became Batista and Cen'as bitches. Orton I stopped caring about when the WWE went PG. He is, and always was, a bland babyface. Regardless, this could be an OK match but nothing more. But, I think this is Ted's chance to really become a star. Since I can see a push for him, I say:
Ted DiBiase wins
Triple H vs. Sheamus
Speaking of matches I could give a flying fuck about, here is another one! I have no clue how Sheamus was picked to carry the belt, at one point, since he is the most uninteresting champ in ages. His feud with Triple H is pointless and does nothing for me. Neither will this match. So, while I go and take a fucking piss or shit, I except:
Triple HHH to win
ShoMiz (Big Show & The Miz, Unified Tag Champs) vs. John Morrison & R-Truth
Love the heel team here! And, it's all cause of the Miz. To think just how much I hated this guy, but he has become gold on the mic and a great wrestler. He really is one of the few reasons to watch the shitfest that is Monday Night Raw. The babyfaces, well I like Morrison, but more his in ring abilities than his mic work. R-Truth is a great wrestler but his character and annoying rap bother the shit out of me. I liked him more in TNA. Regardless this should be a good match. I think, and hope, the heels will retain, so:
ShoMiz keep the belts!
Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon (No Holds Barred)
The first thing I wanna say is that Bret Hart is my fav wrestler, ever. OK so now on to my thoughts: This is years in the making, and I was totally into it, up until Cena defended Hart. But, what really killed it for me is when Hart got his leg "injured" by a car! Lame! And, he just revealed it was his plan! He faked it! More lameness! Totally convoluted crap. Hart is an injured man, Vinny Mac, though in great shape, is no wrestler. Still, Vince matches can be fun. Or they were. When, he could bleed like a stuck pig, back in the TV-14 era. But, with the pussy ass no blood rule in WWE, this might not be so hot. Unless, we get a bloodbath, this could be lame. Still, even a blind man can see who will win:
Bret Hart beats Vinny Mac, duh!
Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jack Swagger vs. Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Matt Hardy vs. Evan Bourne vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston (Money in the Bank)
You know this is what I most look forward to. Last year, this was my fav match at WM, no not the overrated Taker vs. HBK match (yes, I called it overrated sue me!). I think this will be the best match, yet, again! I would LOVE to see Benjamin win. He has been, I think, in all of these matches but keeps getting jobbed out. He won't win cause the WWE sucks cock and swallows. Now, I hear many say on the net that McIntyre might win, which would totally suck balls and make me choke-slam someone through a table. My pick to win?
Christian! Or at least I hope he finally get the push he so rightfully deserves.
Batista (WWE Champ) vs. John Cena
Well, as I have stated many times I hate both these guys. Thing is I hate Cena so much, that this feud makes me wanna cheer for Batista. In all fairness, he has been doing some great work, on the mic, no less, as a heel. Clearly he is better at playing the bad guy. Even if, at times, he looks like he's been stealing clothing from HHH or Rob Halford. Anyways, I am hoping he fucking kills Cena. Sadly, I predict that:
Cena will win and get the belt. Why? Cause Cena can't lose, he thinks he is Hulk fucking Hogan, and, the WWE sucks ass.
The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels (No DQ, No count-out/ Streak vs. Retirement match)
Remember how I said that I found the HBK vs Taker match overrated? Well, yeah it was good but lots of blown spots. Come on go watch again, I'll wait for you. Back? OK, good. Still, this should be a good match. But, I am sick and tired of HBK. If he wins, I swear I am punching someone or something. I will be that pissed. Why would he need to be the one to end the Taker's streak? What could it do for his career? Now, I realize no one ever retires in wrestling for real, so I now longer say that (but, think many should). So, I will say this: He needs to go away. And, I hope he does. Yes, I respect his wrestling abilities. Always have. He has been in many great and favorite matches of mine. But, he don't need this win. And, I don't need to see him every fucking Monday night, so I say:
Undertaker wins, the streak remains, intact! HBK "retires"
Chris Jericho (World Champ) vs. Edge
This is another easy one to pick. Edge has had a hot return to the ring. The no longer Rated-R (I know the announcers insist on calling him that but what the fuck is Rated-R about him? The mofo is fucking rated PG, not even PG-13[!]) has been awesome. Well expect for that stupid new catch phrase he has "Spear! Spear! Spear!" Whoever came up with that over at WWE headquarters should be speared with a real spear by a character from Sparatcus: Blood and Sand. Jericho has been fucking amazing as the heel (he always is). And, this should be great match. Maybe, just maybe, match of the night. And so:
Edge will win by using a... oh you know already!
So, those are my thoughts. As always I would love to hear yours, even if you disagree with me or hate my post, or love it. But, at least we all know what we will be watching this Sunday night.
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