So this Friday the 13th marks the return of Jason Voorhees in the remake/ reboot/ reimagining/ rewhatever the fuck they are calling it of
Friday the 13th. I will try to see it on Saturday, but I should remind you that this is made by the guy who did the
Texas Chainsaw remake and that was mediocre. Still, I will try to give it a shot. That said, I am a huge fan of Jason and the
Friday the 13th movies, and so, I give you mini-reviews of the whole entire series. As an added bonus, I pick my fav death from each film.
All reviews out of 4 stars. 
- Years ago a couple were killed at Camp Crystal Lake, but they are gonna reopen it. Soon, one by one the teens at the camp begin to die horribly. Who is killing them?
This movie was a smash hit, upon it's release. And, while mainstream critics hated it, fans ate it up. Today considered a classic, it is often immediated never equaled. It is one of the best slasher movies, ever. It has tight, suspenseful directing by Sean Cunningham. The acting is good, and unlike the films that would follow it, the characters are likable. The FX work by Savini is amazing, and the ending is one of the best in any genre.
BEST DEATH: Kevin Bacon getting the arrow through his neck. Even cooler in the new unrated cut that recently hit DVD.
Rating: ****
- Having witnessed his mom lose her head in the first one Jason, now grown up, begins to kill some new victims.
In this one he wears a sack, not the hokey mask, but I think this is a creeper look for Jason. While the film is cliched, it is entertaining, and pretty Amy Steel is one of the best heroines in the series. The acting is really good, too, by all involved. Too bad, the MPAA BUTCHERED this film, and thus the violent murders end up lacking bite. Still, worth seeing, though.
BEST DEATH: The lovers getting impaled while fucking by our hero.
RATING: ***
- Taking place right after the last installment, Jason slaughters more kids. Oh, and get his infamous hokey mask! Score!
This one was originally released in 3-D and, finally Paramount has given us a a 3-D DVD! While, the movie takes some time to get started and some of the characters are sort of annoying, the 3-D FX rock. And, the climax is one of the best in the entire series. The girls are hot, too. In 3-D this is one of the best in the entire series. Without it, not so much...
BEST DEATH: Dude walks on his hands, and Jason hacks him from the crotch to his body. Fucking killer!
Rating (in 3-D): ***
in 2-D: **
- Jason is thought dead after the last one, but he escapes the morgue and kills more teens. But, a young horror fan aims to put an end to Jason's reign of terror.
One of the best and bloodiest entries in the series, this one introduced protagonist Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldmen). It's a well directed movie, with some amazing splatter work by Savini. There is also a lot of HOT chicks in this one, including Kimberly Beck, as the lead, and the smoking hot twins. To top that off, the climax is exciting and Jason's death scene is his best in the whole series. Check out that slide down the machete! A kick ass gory slasher, that is of course, NOT the final chapter!
BEST DEATH: Aside form Jason's it has to be the pervert morgue worker who gets his throat slashed with a bone saw, then gets his head twisted! Nasty!
RATING: ***
- Tommy is older, now, and haunted by Jason. When, new murders begin to happen at the psychiatric ward, is it Jason or someone else?
Some hate this one cause it is not Jason that kills, but an imitator. But, give this one another look. Sure some of it is intentionally funny, but it is also really mean spirited and violent. Hacked by the MPAA, this one still hits well. It also has my fav of all the Friday heroines, in the form of the ravishing Melanie Kinnaman. She is a total babe!
BEST DEATH: The hottie with the nice rack, played by a babe whose actual name is, wait for it... Debi Sue Voorhees, getting her eyes cut with garden sheers! Fucking awesome and brutal!
RATING: ***
- Still haunted Tommy leaves the ward and heads to make sure Jason is dead. Thing is he reanimates him in the process. Doh! And, now we get the ever cool zombie Jason!
This is THE best sequel in the series. Directed and written with a great sense of humor, this is a fun, kick ass movie. The beginning is one of the best in any slasher film. Zombie Jason looks so fucking cool. Tommy Jarvis is a great foil to him, and Jennifer Cooke is one of the sexiest heroines in the series. There is also cool music by Alice Cooper. A truly nifty and fun movie experience, even with the pussy MPAA killing the gore.
BEST DEATH: Horshcak form
Welcome Back, Kotter gets his heart ripped out by Jason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RATING: ***1/2
- Jason is back, but this time a beautiful babe, Tina (Lar Park Lincoln) with psychic powers battles him.
While sort of braindead, this is a fun movie that tries to add something new to the formula. Sadly, this is the most butchered film by the MPAA. The cool gore scenes are completely turned wimpy, due to lack of blood. Despite, that this movie holds a special place in my heart. Jason has never looked cooler, and Lincoln and Susan Jennifer Sullivan (as mega-bitch Melissa) are childhood crushes. On top of that the climax where Tina and Jason battle is fucking awesome. Plus, this is the movie where Kane Hodder took over the role of that Voorhees kid.
BEST DEATH: Pretty but mean Melissa gets an axe in her cute face thanks to our favorite zombie momma's boy.
RATING: **1/2
- After awakening from his watery grave he got from the last film, Jason hops on a boat that goes from Camp Crystal Lake to Manhattan, NY (huh?! how's that even possible?!)!
Without a shadow of a doubt the worst in the series, this movie is stupid and idiotic. It takes an hour for him to get to New York, and then he only spend ten minutes in Times Square! On top of that the movie is the most bloodless entry in the series. A truly pusssified version of our beloved slasher! The heroine is also the most annoying in the whole series! Even though one of the most beautiful women on God's green Earth, Kelly Hu, who has an early role in it, this film still blows. Shit, not even the naked blonde's body can save it!
BEST DEATH: One of the few cool moments has Jason battle a boxer and punch his head off!
RATING: *1/2
- Jason is back at Camp Crystal Lake, where he gets blown up. But, his evil cannot die, and he begins to possess people. This time though, there maybe a way to send him to hell, once and for all.
By now, we know, this did not kill him either! But, but to me the problem is the fact that this film blatantly rip-offs horror/ sci-fi/ action hybrid,
The Hidden. That film is much better, but JGTH is not without merit. This is the bloodiest film in the series. The acting and FX are good, and there are enough pretty babes to please the eyes. An enjoyable, if flawed sequel.
BEST DEATH: The hot babe riding her boyfriend, who gets ripped in half by a spike and splatters all over her boyfriend. Gruesome, even more so in the unrated cut.
RATING: **1/2
- Taking place in the future (hence after the next installment,
Freddy Vs. Jason), this one has Jason being cryonically frozen alone with a sexy government research, only to be awakened even more in the future, as in 2455! There he begins his next killing spree.
The best entry in a while, this one of the best sequels, period. There is some good acting, kick ass FX, amazing gore, great humor, and hot, hot babes! Kane is fucking awesome as Jason, and Lexa Doig is THE hottest heroine since Lar Park Lincoln. Jason's battle with sexy android Kay-EM 14 is a highlight, as is Ubber-Jason. A great time to be had, I simply love this one!
BEST DEATH: The super beautiful blonde who gets her face frozen, then smashed! So cool and innovative!
RATING: ***
- Taking place between JGTH and JX, Jason is still in hell, and so is Freddy (who died in
Freddys Dead: The Final Nightmare). The kids in Elm Street no longer believe in him, so he uses Jason to make them fear him and regain his power. But, when these titans of terror clash who will win? And, who will survive?
It took years to finally mae this one. and it has it's flaws (why is Hodder not playing Jason?!), but it really is a fun movie. My second favorite sequel, this one has great effects and a KILLER climax. It is also exceptionally gory. The final battle between the two is worth the price of viewing it, alone.
BEST DEATH: Jason stabs a dude with his machete, then folds the bed breaking the guy in half. Impressive!
RATING: ***1/2
Enjoy this Friday the 13th. By the way, any of you going to see the remake? Tell me what you think of it. Oh, and beware of
JASON VOORHEES!!!!!
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Ahh, it's Friday the 13th, dear friends and readers! And, to me and many fans, it means that it's time to show some love for one of the greatest horror villains, ever, Jason Voorhees!
The first one I ever watched was Friday the 13th pt. VII: The New Blood, as a kid, on video. I fell in love with the series right then and there! Admit ably, the movie is sort of brain-dead, but it is fun. Plus, I developed a total crush on it's heroine Tina (Lar-Park Lincoln) and the bitchy Melissa (Susan Jennifer Sullivan). While, Lincoln did other films and TV and does cons, many wonder what has happened to Sullivan. Man, she was such a babe!
made. The ending is still totally killer after all these years. The worst? Easy.
Jason Takes Manhattan, the eighth one in the series. But, it does have it's moments, including a dude who boxes Jason, a blonde babe who marks all her best parts for her teacher, Jason actually being in NYC, and the GORGEOUS Kelly Hu! It's still shit, though.
Jason's look always changed, but from the awesome Jason Lives (the 6th entry) and beyond, he 
was pretty much a zombie. The aforementioned New Blood had the best Jason look, while Jason Takes Manhattan had his lamest look. And, his lamest death! Death by toxic waste? What the fuck? So, we can beat him by sending him to a New Jersey dump?! =\ His best death scene? To me, it is his slide down the machete and the further chopping with it by Corey Feldman in the fourth entry, The Final Chapter.
As far as final girls go, part five's Melanie Kinnamon
is my all time favorite. She's so beautiful! Though, as far as spunkyness goes, Amy Steel from 2 is awesome! And, cute, too!
through the neck, sliced in half, bashed against a tree, frozen and shattered face, etc. We watch these movies for the gore, no doubt!
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- A group of teens are terrorized by a hideously burned man in their dreams. But, if they die in their dreams they die for real. Turns out said man, Fred Krueger, is a filthy child murder, whom their parents burned alive when the courts let him go. He now wants revenge on them by killing their kids.
- Taking place several years after the original a teen moves into Nancy's house, but finds that Freddy wants to possess him.
- The last group of the descendants of the parents who killed Freddy are being offed one by one at a psychiatric ward. Nancy returns to help them and destroy Freddy.
- Freddy comes back to kill the surviving characters from the last film, but Kristen (this time played by Tuesday Knight) gives her dream powers to the beautiful Alice (Lisa Wilcox). Freddy uses her to get to the other kids, though.
- Freddy wants to possess Alice's baby. Alice must stop him.
- The last of the Elm Street kids are dead. Now an amnesiac looks for Freddy's daughter to battle him, kill him, and end this forever. We learn more about his past and how he got his horrible powers.
- Taking place in the "real" world Freddy tries to leave the cinematic world and enter ours, as he terrorizes Heather Langenkamp (the actress not the character of Nancy). She seeks out Craven and Englund for help.
- Freddy uses Jason to escape from hell. They eventually meet and battle.
- Years ago a couple were killed at Camp Crystal Lake, but they are gonna reopen it. Soon, one by one the teens at the camp begin to die horribly. Who is killing them?
- Having witnessed his mom lose her head in the first one Jason, now grown up, begins to kill some new victims.
- Taking place right after the last installment, Jason slaughters more kids. Oh, and get his infamous hokey mask! Score!
- Jason is thought dead after the last one, but he escapes the morgue and kills more teens. But, a young horror fan aims to put an end to Jason's reign of terror.
- Tommy is older, now, and haunted by Jason. When, new murders begin to happen at the psychiatric ward, is it Jason or someone else?
- Still haunted Tommy leaves the ward and heads to make sure Jason is dead. Thing is he reanimates him in the process. Doh! And, now we get the ever cool zombie Jason!
- Jason is back, but this time a beautiful babe, Tina (Lar Park Lincoln) with psychic powers battles him.
- After awakening from his watery grave he got from the last film, Jason hops on a boat that goes from Camp Crystal Lake to Manhattan, NY (huh?! how's that even possible?!)!
- Jason is back at Camp Crystal Lake, where he gets blown up. But, his evil cannot die, and he begins to possess people. This time though, there maybe a way to send him to hell, once and for all.
- Taking place in the future (hence after the next installment, Freddy Vs. Jason), this one has Jason being cryonically frozen alone with a sexy government research, only to be awakened even more in the future, as in 2455! There he begins his next killing spree.
- Taking place between JGTH and JX, Jason is still in hell, and so is Freddy (who died in Freddys Dead: The Final Nightmare). The kids in Elm Street no longer believe in him, so he uses Jason to make them fear him and regain his power. But, when these titans of terror clash who will win? And, who will survive?
- John Carpenter's tale of three babysitters being terrorized by maniac, Michael Myers, who has escaped the psycho-ward after being locked up, for killing his sis, when he was a child. Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance) tries to stop him.
- Continuing where the first one left off, this one has Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) going to the hospital, where Michael follows her and kills those who get in his way.
- A bunch of masks combined with annoying song makes kid's heads have snakes and bugs crawl out of them and die.
- Michael awakens from a coma and goes after his niece, Jamie (Daniele Harris), who is the daughter of the now dead Laurie. Loomis is hot on his trail.
- A year later Jamie is a hospital after having stabbed her adopted mom. Uncle Michael is back, though, and now, Jamie has a psychic connection to him.
- Jamie. now an adult, escapes a cult led, by the man who broke Michael out of jail. She gets killed but her child is taken to safety by Loomis, who is after Myers. Tommy Doyle (Paul Rudd), the kid form the original, is obsessed with finding the truth about Myers. And, the Strode family is trying to sell the old Myers house Secrets are soon revealed about Michael...
- Ignoring parts 4-6 (why?!), this Scream wanna-be entry has Michael confronting sis Laurie, twenty years later.
- Myers did not die! You see he put his mask on some loser, and he got his head lopped off, instead at the end of the last one. Anyways, Michael finds and kills Lauire, then offs a bunch of annoying people shooting a webcast at his home. Hey, that would piss me off, too. Unless, the show was made by Playboy TV!
- Rob Zombie's remake explores Myer's origin, as we see him as a disturbed child in the funny-farm, after killing his mom's boyfriend, his hottie siste, and her boyfriend, while under Loomis' (Malcom McDowell) care. As an adult he escapes and goes off to find his sister, Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton) and off her pretty friends.
