The A-Zs of Horror, Pt. 2 (N-Z)

N is for NUDITY- Few genres, outside of sex comedies or porn, rely so heavily on nudity as many horror films do. This is particularly true when it comes to low budget movies or slasher films. Didn't it suck ass when in the 90s, there would be all these hot babes in slasher movies like Scream or I Know what You Did Last Summer, and yet none of them showed skin? That was an epic fail, dear readers! Thank God, movies like the Hostel films and My Bloody Valentine 3D (whose beautiful and fully nude Betsy Rue is pictured to the left) are giving us fans skin in horror movies that are released on the big screen, again! Yay!


O is for OLD SCRATCH- As in Lucifer, Satan, the Prince of Darkness, the Lord of Flies, the Devil, etc. Satanic horror is probably one of my favorite subgenres. He can possess a little girl, have a child with Mia Farrow or a jackal, battle two heroic brothers or the Governator in hopes of succeeding in defating them and bringing forth the end of days, wage a fight with a heavy metal signer, etc. Point is whatever he is planning is not good for mankind. Nope, cause when horror's ultimate villain is behind the evil deeds, you know shit is gonna go bad for us people.

P is for PSYCHO- Hitchcock's best movie is one of the greatest and most influential horror films ever made. It shocked people back then, and while tame today, it still holds up excellently. It also gave us the first human monster to eventually get his own franchise in the form of Norman Bates, played by the late great Anthony Perkins. plus, it also made taking showers a lot more scary!





Q is for Q (QUETZECOATL)- Q is Larry Cohen's cult favorite about Quetzecoatl, the Aztec god that has made his home at top of the Empire State building (giant monsters love it there, apparently!). It's a great example of how despite a low budget great talent behind and in front of the camera can make for an awesome film. It's also considerably bloodier than most giant monster films. If you have never seen it, you need to get your fucking ass off of the couch, chair, bed, whatever and see it now!





R is for RAPE/ REVENGE- Perhaps the most infamous of all of horrors' sub-genres. Films like Ms. 45, The Last House on the Left, House on the Edge of the Park, Irreversible, and, the most infamous of all, I Spit on Your Grave rank among the most controversial movies ever made. The premise is simple enough, a girl (or girls) get raped, and either she or a loved one(s) exact the frequently bloody vengeance. What makes this different, than say a slasher film, is the fact that those getting it clearly deserve it.

S is for SHARKS, SNAKES, SNAILS, AND OTHER KILLER ANIMALS- Killer animal movies have been with us since the Hitchcock classic The Birds and are, thanks in large part to the Syfy channel, WAY over done in nowadays. That said Jaws remains the best of them all. But, thanks to these movies birds, sharks, snakes, snails, killer whales, rabbits, roaches, frogs, rats, dogs, cats, etc. have all been made into our enemies. And, yes, some of these are pretty ridiculous and ludicrous choices to threaten mankind!

T is for THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE- This remains the single scariest movie ever made. Introducing us to Leatherface and his cannibalistic family, it gave us a damn good reason to never go to the Lone Star State. It would go on to give us lots of sequels, a remake, and a prequel to the remake, all with various degrees of success. Regardless, none of them can touch Tobe Hooper's relatively bloodless and utterly terrifying classic.


U is for UNWATCHABLE- Man, there sure are lots of bad movies out there. These include some truly terrible, terrible horror movies. The worst of which (the Leprechaun movies, most of The Howling sequels, The Witchcraft series, remakes like Psycho, One Missed Call, The Fog, etc.) can make you feel like ripping out your damn corneas, just to put an end to the fucking horror.


V is for VAMPIRES- Perhaps the oldest of horror subgenres, vamps have been featured in countless of horror movies for the longest of time. From Nosferatu to Horror of Dracula to From Dusk Till Dawn to 30 Days of Night bloodsuckers have terrorized, seduced, and drank blood on the big screen. They have been villains, lovers, heroes, killers, and/ or lost souls as so many have interpreted them in their own way. While, this has led to some terrible and questionable inclusions, like the shit sucking Twilight series, it has given continuous life to the undead. The fact that they have been in comics (even battling superheroes like Superman, The X-men, Spider-Man, The Punisher, etc.) , books, and TV (including some of the best horror shows like The X-Files, Supernatural, and of course, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel, and True Blood), means that they far out weigh all other horror monsters in appearances.

W is for WEREWOLVES- The natural counterpart to the vampire. If vamps signify our sexuality, then werewolves represent the animal inside. There are three basic looks for them: the ones that look more human (The Wolfman, Curse of the Werewolf), the ones that turn into actual wolves or wolf like beasts (Wolfen, True Blood, An American Werewolf in London), and, my personal fav, those that become hulking beasts (Dog Soldiers, The Howling, The Underworld Trilogy). No one has ever really explained this, expect to say that it is up to the filmmaker to decide which he likes. In the case of Universal's classic Wolfman both the the actual Wolfman and the wolf creature (who, in fact, bites Talbot) are featured. And, like vampires. they too, have been shown to have the potential be both hero and villain.

X is for XXX-RATED HORROR- Porn and horror seem like a natural combination due to the fact that sex and nudity play such a large part of the genre and the fact that the conservative minded have damned them both. And, while there are quite a few pornos that feature sexy witches or vampires, few have actual violence and gore, since that is usually considered a no-no in the industry. Thankfully some have the, er, balls to do it. From Joe D'Amato's work like Erotic Nights of the Living Dead or Porno Holocaust to more modern movies like The Wicked or BurningAngel's Re-Penetrator and The XXXcorsist show that hardcore fucking and sanguinary spillage go hand in hand. So, you can jerk-off and be amazed by the bloody spectacle all at the same time!

Y is for YUCK- Yes, horror movies can be gory, but some are down right gross. And, while it all depends on the tone of the film (from movies meant to be funny to those that are serious in tone to those that are down right disturbing), they manage to make us reach for barf bag by including acts of gross-out action such as: bums that melt like piles of slime, a human fly that barfs corrosive liquid on you, Devil possessed little girls spewing pea-soup, guys and/or a girl into corpse fucking, or being connected ass to mouth. In all good times for those of you with weak stomachs. BLARG!!!!!!

Z is for ZOMBIES- My absolute favorite sub-genre in horror. While, the living dead have been with since the golden age of horror with White Zombie it was George Romero that defined them in Night of the Living Dead. From there we got the modern, traditional version of them. They are the resurrected dead hungry for human flesh. The only way to stop then? Shot them in the head or destroy their brain some other way. Of course, if we are talking about Return of the Living Dead only dismemberment can stop them. It goes without saying that slow zombies rule. Fast zombies are lame idea, I think. Just remember that once you get bit, you become a zombie, yourself, meaning that like vampires (although depending on what you are watching turning might involve more than just that with bloodsuckers) and werewolves, they can spread their condition. Oh, and to be a true zombie you MUST BE DEAD! End of fucking story.

Hope you enjoyed this. I know I had fun writing it. I might do something similar for porn and pro-wrestling somewhere down the line. For now, here is the first half, in case you missed it: http://themastergio.blogspot.com/2010/06/a-zs-of-horror-pt-1-m.html

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The Top 10 Horror Films of the '70s

The second part of my list of the top horror films of each era to the present take us to my favorite time in movies, and I don't just not just in horror films: the 1970's. This time period represented a bold new era in cinema with movies reaching new levels of sexuality and graphic violence. The movies of this era broke new ground, and in some cases, are still not topped. There is a certain attitude that the films of this decade that sets them apart from others. Whatever the case might be, this was the most fun list for me to do.

10. - Dario Argento's gallio remains the best in the sub-genre. With an excellent score by The Goblins, great acting, and the memorable murders, this remains one of the finest fright films to ever come out of Italy. And, speaking of murders, this film has one of the most brutal dental assaults, ever caught on celluloid. Argento's style is also mesmerizing with his camera swooping, moving, tightening in everywhere. A masterpiece of gore, suspense, and style.

9. - David Cronenberg really hit the mark with this smart, horrifying, and shocking tale of a woman who manifests her anger in her mutant children, her "brood". The great acting coupled with the horrific gore and smart script make this one work to perfection.

8. - Richard Donner's wonderfully Satanic masterpiece has one of the best and truly scariest scores ever made. The kid is also effectively creepy, and Gregory Peck is a great hero. The creative deaths are very memorable, in particular the slow-mo decapitation with the head spinning in the air, which ranks as one of the greatest deaths in film history.

7. - the definitive lesbian vampire, this is also the most well done mix of eroticism and graphic horror. Both lead women are stunningly beautiful, though my tastes lean more towards Marianne Morris (the brunette). Regardless, the scenes of these beauties killing, making out, and sharing the blood of their victims is one of the sexiest visions in the genre. The so called erotic lesbian vampire films made today, could learn a thing or two of this frequently underrated Euro-masterpiece.

6. - Romero's own follow up to his classic Night of the Living Dead is one of most renown and beloved, as well as oft-imitated zombie films ever. Knowing that the gore drenched film would never get an "R" rating Romero released the film unrated, a bold move, even today. But, the excellent cast, great writing- including some very memorable characters and political commentary about the consumer being zombies, absolutely smashing FX work by Tom Savini, and great score by The Goblins, make this a perfect film. The movie is smart, exciting, violent (but never in a depressing or disturbing manner), and funny. Unarguably one of the genre's crowning moments.

5. - You don't need to have Christian beliefs to agree with the following statement: The Exorcist is one of the scariest films ever made. William Fredkin directed William Peter Blatty's adaptation of his own bestseller. With great performance's, powerful directing, still shocking moments, and superb effects work by Dick Smith this classic is one of the most highly regarded horror films ever. The images of Reagan masturbating with a crucifix, barfing, and head spinning are classic and defining moments in the genre. Oft imitated, many times by films even more graphic, but never equaled The Exorcist is a true vision of classic terror.

4. - To me this is Steven Spielberg's best film. Long before his production of Gremlins or his own Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was ever criticized for their graphic violence, came this film, of the most intense movies to ever be rated PG (or probably any other rating). The dialogue, the characters, and the acting is just classic, as is the nail biting climax. Like many of the best horror films, this one is ripped off countless of times, but Jaws remains the single greatest killer animal film, ever. It's score also remains, alongside of Halloween and Psycho, as one of the most recognizable in horror film history.

3. - Tobe Hooper's classic is the single scariest film EVER made. Despite its' title, what makes this film so amazing is the lack of gore, and yet, the images in this film rank amongst the most horrific ever. You don't want to or need to see it graphic detail. Shit, this movie was made with a PG-rating in mind! Whatever the case maybe, it set the tone and standard for all films that followed it. This is the measuring stick, kiddies.

2. - John Carpenter's classic is the greatest slasher film, as well as one of the most influential horror films ever made. Like Texas Chainsaw this movie accomplishes a lot and is scary as hell without ever being graphically violent.

1. -When I first saw this classic, I was immediately blown away by it. Despite the years that have passed and the many viewings I have given it, it still does. The score by The Goblins is perhaps my favorite score for any movie. The gory murders are breathtaking with the opening double murder being one of the greatest beginnings in any genre. Dario Argento's use of color and his moving camera are jaw dropping and astonishing in their beauty. In all this is Argento's best and, unarguably, scariest movie. One that rightfully is worshiped and spoken in the absolute highest regard by horror fans.

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